There is only one thing gracious about Singaporean is that now we queue because of the queuing campaign held fifteen years ago which has been ingrained into us. We queue for food, in stores or for taxis. Queuing is a norm in Singapore because we learn to express a desire for it, if you try and cut queue, people will tell you get in line. Our Prime Minister commented last week that Singapore was not only ungracious and will not likely to change in his lifetime. Mr. Lee is 84 by now.
The ungracious is due to our culture long fostered over time. The idea that we have to excel in everything has been ingrained in us for many years. We have excelled in so many ways that one would think that it is comes natural for us to develop graciousness.
We do not see our lack of gracious as something impolite or being a problem in the first place. We have the problem of “me first” culture.
We have no shortage of reminders about niceties since our National Courtesy Campaign was launched in 1979 and these campaigns are too “top down”. What we need is for every Singaporean to learn to say “Excuse me, you need to return the tray, give way just like the queuing and if we do it often it will becomes a habit.
We need to teach the younger ones in school, inbuilt into the education system of having Good Conduct lesson once a week. Parents are too busy to teach at home and if the school can take over this social responsibility it will goes a long way for our new generation turn to a gracious society.
We may not litter much, always queue and will give generously to good cause. But it is the little manners that they are found wanting.
Failing to say “please” and “thank you”, “excuse me” and “sorry” or to greet neighbors or strangers. Rushing into trains and buses and not letting passengers alight first. Not giving up coveted seat to someone who needs it more, elderly and ill or pregnant. Not keeping to one side of the escalator to let others in the hurry pass. Not clearing up after themselves in food courts and fast-food restaurants. Bad road behavior including impatient, honking, not signaling when switching lanes and indiscriminate parking. Not keeping public spaces and parks clean. Not punctual whether for weddings or appointment. Bad manners at the table, including chewing with mouths open and talking with mouth full. Inconsiderate towards and ill-treating maids, foreign workers and service staff
I remembered attending a church’s friend wedding dinner which was printed in the invitation card, dinner at 7:30 pm sharp. By 7:15pm most of us were seated down with our fuzzy drinks and there will one or two empty tables near to the bride and groom’s family. I presumed the two empty tables were for each of their relatives who were still making their way to dinner. My friend, the groom went around the table to ensure that we were all ready to start and request for the serving crew to shut the ballroom door at 7:30pm. When the time comes, the door was shut and the whole place went dark with spotlight on the first course held up high by the serving crew, the music were playing to the marching of the crew down the aisle to serve the first course. In all Chinese dinner the first course is always the cold dish appetizer. When we were eating the third dish at about 8:15pm, the two empty tables were seated with a few people with unhappy faces. By the fifth dish about 8:35pm the two empty tables were all seated with people with the usual unhappy faces. Most of them were elderly relatives from the groom side.
This was the best wedding dinner that I get to reach home at 9:00pm sharp and I can still get to watched my favorite nine o’clock news. The worst dinner that I have attended is my best friend, the bride. The dinner did not get started until 10:30pm although the invitation card printed at 7:30pm sharp. This was not dinner but midnight supper and I reached home at 1:00 am. The dinner cannot get started without the old great grandmother making her presence at 10:30pm. After the dinner goodbyes, the bride and groom did not offered any apology to invited guests.
We are a First World Country and migrants and international tourists will measure us against a standard with which they measure themselves. And if Singaporean cannot even show basic consideration we will be judged by everyone in the world. We tend to be driven by tangible rewards. We use our grades, jobs and salaries to affirm who we are in this world, except for inner qualities like compassion. We are so focused on pushing forward and always being ahead of others and ensure that someone else is behind or below us.
We are indeed an ungracious lot, not the most gracious by definition but then again, nobody is perfect. We are trying our best to be at it and that is also applicable to other societies in the world as well. So even if we are not gracious at least we are true to ourselves.
The ungracious is due to our culture long fostered over time. The idea that we have to excel in everything has been ingrained in us for many years. We have excelled in so many ways that one would think that it is comes natural for us to develop graciousness.
We do not see our lack of gracious as something impolite or being a problem in the first place. We have the problem of “me first” culture.
We have no shortage of reminders about niceties since our National Courtesy Campaign was launched in 1979 and these campaigns are too “top down”. What we need is for every Singaporean to learn to say “Excuse me, you need to return the tray, give way just like the queuing and if we do it often it will becomes a habit.
We need to teach the younger ones in school, inbuilt into the education system of having Good Conduct lesson once a week. Parents are too busy to teach at home and if the school can take over this social responsibility it will goes a long way for our new generation turn to a gracious society.
We may not litter much, always queue and will give generously to good cause. But it is the little manners that they are found wanting.
Failing to say “please” and “thank you”, “excuse me” and “sorry” or to greet neighbors or strangers. Rushing into trains and buses and not letting passengers alight first. Not giving up coveted seat to someone who needs it more, elderly and ill or pregnant. Not keeping to one side of the escalator to let others in the hurry pass. Not clearing up after themselves in food courts and fast-food restaurants. Bad road behavior including impatient, honking, not signaling when switching lanes and indiscriminate parking. Not keeping public spaces and parks clean. Not punctual whether for weddings or appointment. Bad manners at the table, including chewing with mouths open and talking with mouth full. Inconsiderate towards and ill-treating maids, foreign workers and service staff
I remembered attending a church’s friend wedding dinner which was printed in the invitation card, dinner at 7:30 pm sharp. By 7:15pm most of us were seated down with our fuzzy drinks and there will one or two empty tables near to the bride and groom’s family. I presumed the two empty tables were for each of their relatives who were still making their way to dinner. My friend, the groom went around the table to ensure that we were all ready to start and request for the serving crew to shut the ballroom door at 7:30pm. When the time comes, the door was shut and the whole place went dark with spotlight on the first course held up high by the serving crew, the music were playing to the marching of the crew down the aisle to serve the first course. In all Chinese dinner the first course is always the cold dish appetizer. When we were eating the third dish at about 8:15pm, the two empty tables were seated with a few people with unhappy faces. By the fifth dish about 8:35pm the two empty tables were all seated with people with the usual unhappy faces. Most of them were elderly relatives from the groom side.
This was the best wedding dinner that I get to reach home at 9:00pm sharp and I can still get to watched my favorite nine o’clock news. The worst dinner that I have attended is my best friend, the bride. The dinner did not get started until 10:30pm although the invitation card printed at 7:30pm sharp. This was not dinner but midnight supper and I reached home at 1:00 am. The dinner cannot get started without the old great grandmother making her presence at 10:30pm. After the dinner goodbyes, the bride and groom did not offered any apology to invited guests.
We are a First World Country and migrants and international tourists will measure us against a standard with which they measure themselves. And if Singaporean cannot even show basic consideration we will be judged by everyone in the world. We tend to be driven by tangible rewards. We use our grades, jobs and salaries to affirm who we are in this world, except for inner qualities like compassion. We are so focused on pushing forward and always being ahead of others and ensure that someone else is behind or below us.
We are indeed an ungracious lot, not the most gracious by definition but then again, nobody is perfect. We are trying our best to be at it and that is also applicable to other societies in the world as well. So even if we are not gracious at least we are true to ourselves.
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